ILEOSTOMY STOMA NIGHTMARE

One night whilst I was cleaning out my stoma fire shot out of my stoma and set the room alight, so I urinated across the bathroom and that put the fire out.
There was also a lot of bleeding coming from my Ileostomy stoma, even little men made of blood - the so -called blood men.

The bleeding was caused by numskulls, little men who lived inside my stoma.

The numskulls job was to keep my Ileostomy stoma properly organised so that the stoma should work properly, but somehow, one of the little men failed to stop the bleeding and got a good telling off from the head numskull.
The bleeding from my Ostomy stoma became so heavy that one of the numskulls slid out of my stoma and fell onto the floor.
I actually noticed the little man myself who fell out of my stoma when the stoma was bleeding heavily.
The little man did however jump up and tried to climb back into my stoma, but slid out and crashed right down onto the floor, so he had to find another.
What he did, he climbed up my body and into my mouth. The numskull then slid down the gullet, out into my stomach and before long made his way back into my stoma.

I went to see the stoma nurse and told her about the stoma bleeding, and what happened was that a little man fell out of my stoma and onto the floor.
I also mentioned that fire shot right out of my stoma.

The nurse said that the fire that shot right out of the stoma was caused by a build up of gas in the bowel.
And the little man that slid out of my stoma.
I can't believe my eyes said the nurse, that's impossible.
In fact it did happen, and that little man is called a numskull, one of the little men who lived inside my stoma.

I have never heard a case like this in all my life - little men who live inside a stoma.

The nurse then set about changing my stoma bag, but, just as she was about to stick the bag on my belly the stoma started to breathe fire like a dragon.
The fire shot right across the room and set everything alight. Soon this was followed by heavy bleeding.
The stoma started to act weird and all of a sudden turned into a snake. The snake - like stoma suddenly extended to 20 feet and tried to charge at the nurse but she went out of the room and had to call the doctor because he was the only person who could control a mad stoma that turned into a snake, so what he did he amputated the snake stoma that was attached to the man's belly, but just as he did the snake - like stoma gobbled him up, the first case of a man - eating stoma.

Just as when everything had quieted down more mayhem broke out.

The man's chest opened up and a big monster popped out.
It was a dragon that hatched out of a man's chest. His head also fell off and went on the rampage through the hospital ward. The head spat fire at everybody in the room.
Even the man himself turned into a monster.
Huge tentacles shot right out of his body and where his head should be, a tree grew.
The man swelled up and fire shot right out of his body, together with loads of poisonous liquid.
The noxious contents shot all over the place and every patient became ill.
Then, all of a sudden everything went back to normal, but not before more mayhem.

In one case a man's belly opened up and his bowels jumped out of his body. The bowels raced across the ward and attacked a few patients in their beds. One man screamed and a nurse came on the scene and pulled the mad bowels off the patient's bed, but was attacked by a pair of lungs that flew right across the room. The lungs had escaped from a man's body when his chest popped open.
Even dinners went berserk.
A load of potatoes and carrots flew across the ward and in one case bit a man on his arm.

In the end the man whose body started all this madness went back to normal and had a new stoma fitted by a surgeon who got it from a tree that grew Ostomy stomas.