THE PHANTOM OF SMARTYPANTS LODGE

One day as one of the tenants was making his way down to breakfast he felt his shoes being pulled off, looked round and saw a shadowy figure making off. The man reported it and tried to find out who the intruder was.

Other people living here also saw a shadowy figure walk past .

Not only a man had his shoes stolen from right underneath his feet, but light bulbs were also disappearing for no apparent reason.

One of the tenants said that,

“I bet that some phantom burglar is going on the prowl stealing everything in this block of flats”, but no one else believed him, but, one night he saw a shadowy figure walking past him trying to pull his trousers off.

The Phantom of Smartypants Lodge had struck.

Now, more and more people reported strange goings on - light bulbs being mysteriously stolen, dining room tables being kicked across the room and chairs being chucked up to the ceiling and piles of poo suddenly appearing in the lounge, for apparently the phantom burglar must have relieved himself, much to the disgust of other residents.

One tenant said,

“Does it arf pong in here, how can a man use this lounge as a toilet, only an animal could do this.

Unbeknown to tenants the phantom burglar was an escaped convict from a tree top prison in High Tea, Essex.

Somehow the burglar must have slid down the tree after overpowering prison guards and made his escape on a 20 wheel motorbike. He then burst into Smartypants Lodge by scaling the wall and punching a hole in the bricks, he then put them back in place to make it seem that no forced break - in had ever taken place.

In the morning when the support worker did the rounds some tenants reported hearing noises at night, and two people reported seeing a shadowy figure scurrying past them as they made their way to their flats and had to shut the door quickly to stop the intruder from breaking into their homes.

“I’ m going to have to report this to the police.”

The police were called and they with dogs tried to catch the phantom, but couldn’t, for the burglar did everything in such a hidden way that it was impossible to catch him, so the only answer was to use stink bombs.

When the overpowering smell of the stink bombs reached the phantom’s hideout he made a run for it but was brought down by a police dog. The burglar was then returned to Billyook Prison in High Tea and chained up to the ceiling so he shouldn’t escape, but he was much too strong for the chains and broke free. He tried to escape , but was stopped in his tracks. He was then told that if he tried to escape he would be cooked and eaten by all the inmates who would have a slice of Burglar Pie.

In the end the convict did what he was told and didn't escape anymore.



In the end the convict obeyed and plotted no more escapes.

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THE PHANTOM SMARTYPANTS LODGE, Part Two

 

 

 

 

The Phantom of Smartypants Lodge story has already been done. Now that he’s been caught he’s now back in High Tea Prison.

The phantom burglar is of course William Fishcakes. He’s had a string of robberies, such as stealing other peoples’ heads. Once, he shoved a broom stick down the prison warder’s throat. The prison warder dealt with him by putting his hand through a hole he had punched in his chest, took out his heart and locked it away in the strongbox in Governor Dogmess’s office. But, no sooner than the man’s heart was put in the cupboard it jumped out and ran down the corridor looking for it’s owner, William Fishcakes, the ‘Notorious Phantom’ of Smartypants Lodge.

Because the man had been left without a heart when the prison warder took it out of his body he couldn’t move because the theft of a heart from his body caused him to die. The heart saw William Fishcakes lying dead and decided that the only way to bring him back to life again was to jump back into his body.

The heart climbed back into the man’s body and immediately he came back to life again. However, the heart wanted revenge against the prison warder who took it out of the man’s body leaving him dead, so it walked out of the man’s body leaving him dead once more and ran down the corridor. The heart found the prison warder and immediately a fight broke out. The heart jumped up to the prison warder’s face and kicked his head off.

The heart wasn’t finished with the mad prison warder yet for he started ramming into him, so hard that his body burst open and all his organs flew out. All hell broke loose as the human body organs, heart, lungs and kidney flew out of the room. The heart belonging to William Fishcake’s body chased after them and one by one killed them all, but couldn’t kill the mad prison warder because he was already dead, in fact severely killed, but,

*‘All of a sudden the prison warder , Bob Faeces, came back to life again even though he had no lungs, heart and kidney, so he asked The prison governor go out and buy him a new heart, lungs and kidney in the body shop in Ilford.

There was one drawback however, for the organs had to be cooked before they could be installed in the prison warder’s body.

*The culprit who started all this mayhem was the convicted burglar, William Fishcakes when the heart jumped out of his body to wreak revenge on the prison warder bashed his body open. This resulted in the heart, lungs and kidney jumping out of his body. So, the only option now was to get rid of him, so fellow prisoners took off his head, arms and legs and chucked them into the bin. They were found by one of the prison warders, Noel Duck. As soon as he got hold of the human body parts and fixed them back onto the prisoner’s body.

Now the plan was to move William Fishcakes to an isolation unit where he would be safe.

*The prison warder who started this mayhem when the convict shoved a broomstick down his throat got sent to Pentonbog Prison, and later on, Woodworm Scrubs for Tampering with a human body.